Hello my friends! I’ve got a special offer for great Americans like you. We all struggle with diet and physical fitness. To help you lose weight and get in shape, I suggest a nice trip to the desert. Just sign the form below, and you’re on your way to beautiful Fallujah. Each morning, you’ll relax in the balmy 130 degree weather as you jog through the sand in your boots, fatigues, backpack, helmet, assault rifle and flak jacket.
Our “Extreem boot camp” instructors will wake you up at 5 a.m., feed you a fresh Haliburton-made meal (note: we cannot guarantee freshness or drinkable water) and send you out for 14 hours of exercise – each day, seven days a week. To assure you don’t lag behind, insurgents will toss bombs and shoot bullets at you from hidden locations. This boot camp last for the next four years. Here’s the best part. It’s free, you don’t have to pay us a penny. That’s Republican know-how! Take the offer. Don’t make me draft you.
Senator John McCain
PS – If you come back alive, you’ll be in great shape.